Benefits of the Mask

On my famous Home Depot outing of yore, I spent a great deal of time walking around the store waiting for my spouse. At least twice I thought another masked man was my guy. Same plaid shirt, mask, height, hat. It reminded me of a previous event.

Years ago we went to a wedding somewhere back East. I walked up behind a tall gentlemen in a suit, grabbed his hand and we walked into the reception venue. Moments later, as I attempted conversation, this man was just smiling at me as I realized I was holding a stranger’s hand. Thankfully we laughed, embarrassed as I was. It made me consider other potential benefits of wearing a mask, besides possibly going home with a new man.

  • save on lipstick expense
  • don’t have to smell other people’s bad breath
  • wouldn’t have to wear dentures if you had them
  • keeps a person from continual snacking
  • Can be juvenile and stick out your tongue at others without repercussion
  • saves on sunscreen application expense
  • would make fingering you for a bank robbery more difficult
  • wouldn’t swallow bugs on your run/walk
  • wouldn’t have to trim nose hairs as frequently
  • can mutter to yourself and no one hears you

And finally, you can sing loudly in Home Depot while looking around to see “who is doing that?”