It’s “Hey Rene J” Today!

“Something full of twists and turns.” A new word for our days – because who the heck knows what’s going to happen next?

Lists! That is what today calls for – the fine art of list-making. Speaking with my sis, I told her this is like a long snow day. You need some entertainment or jobs for yourself. I took myself to the local home improvement and craft store yesterday with that in mind, so a fair warning. Those living in close proximity to me may become “craft victims.” For many, this could be worse than a virus.

I am beginning a list of things to accomplish while not working or going to public venues. Most things on my mental list are either organizational, cleaning in nature, or catching up on correspondence. (Yes, they are the same things I have to do every day, but now they will get done!)

One thing I shall be instituting – coffee every day with a friend. Perhaps we do not meet anywhere, but practice our communication skills via the old telephone or skype methods? It could be a revolutionary change!

It’s so dry here. Yesterday morning the humidity level was at 17%. That being said, it’s impossible not to want to itch my eyes or nose every 30 seconds, they feel like the desert. It’s habitual and it’s the one thing I have to try not to do with this pandemic situation. It’s rather frustrating, so I’m considering alternative solutions.

Remember those plastic back-scratchers you could get on vacation as novelty gifts? What if I had one of those and kept it in a plastic sleeve? I could pull it out and scratch my eyelids and nose with that. Goggles. I should probably just wear swim goggles all day. It might help with the dry-eye situation, also? I’ll bet the CDC hasn’t thought of that one yet! One step further – I could buy a bunch, promote them on-line, sell them for a huge profit. Hmmmm… The itchy nose is still a problem though, because my only solution is to sew a rather unattractive patch to keep my delicate proboscis covered and unavailable to irritants.

It’s good to exercise the brain and think “outside of the box.”

It is arriving rapidly. I saw my first weed yesterday. It’s a little thing by the driveway, but it’s promising to be hearty and hale for the upcoming season, giving me a good run for the money in curbing its growth.

I rejoice in the weeds until they become a burden. For a while, they are the only thing green we have – and then again – at the end of summer when it’s brown as a camel – they are once again the only green we have.

That little green weed inspired me. I bought potting soil in preparation for a renewed interest in gardening, however short that interest may be. I’m going to smell the new dirt stored in my garage until I use it in June, when it’s somewhat safe to plant again.

The promise in little things.

After reeling from the excitement of “Dry Shampoo Week,” I was able to engage in some cheerful banter with other moms at the book fair yesterday. We concluded that there were things to hoard much more important than toilet paper or water should a virus threaten to keep us sequestered in our homes.

For example: Board games. If you’re stuck in the house for a few weeks, you’d better have something other than three Scrabble boards since no one really wants to play with you anyway. Books. Of course the virus will hit computers, because viruses like computers. Thus your ability to download books will be in danger. Buy some new ones from Scholastic. Puzzles. Hit your local Goodwill and stock up for those moments when you need solitary time. (Wear gloves as you shop.) Popcorn. You will probably be watching lots of movies on the telly. Coffee. Because you are addicted to that morning cup.

And of course, dry shampoo is worth hoarding, because if we do run out of water, you will still look good!

That would be the start of today….at 3:00 a.m., which was really 2 a.m. a mere 48 hours ago. Yes, my sister booked a red-eye home – not reflective of her desire to leave me, of course! At least I don’t think so. Maybe it was? Who knows?

The remarkable part of the drive was the drive. We endured pea soup for a good seven and a half minutes on the toll road. Whoa! Haven’t had that in years. However, upon returning from the airport, I only passed one car, and had no one else driving south on my side of the road! How can you drive 30 minutes without another soul, save one, on a major highway? Of course, that’s normal on the “Lindsay Road.” (Once again, counting fetish at play.)

The next exciting development was the dream I had after I returned to rest my weary eyes. First of all, my mother and sister and I were attending a funeral at a really cool estate which has shown up before in dreams. I’ve never seen it in person. However, they charge for parking. (They charged in the last dream, too. You’d have thought I could have remembered that!) Because we forgot our parking pass, I had to pay $150 to get the car. Yet that was nothing compared to the $15,000 the Australian government was charging me in the next episode of the dream. That was because my sister hadn’t put enough postage on a postcard. I was about to talk to the “President of the Post Office“ when I realized this was a dream.

Where is this going? Not really anywhere. Just taking your mind off of a little Coronavirus Panic. Which, by the way, doesn’t compare to the really remarkable week being launched at the Ulta beauty stores. Be prepared!

Happy Birthday, Marie!

We celebrated two birthdays last night – those of my sister and my sister-in-law. Neither is named Becky. However, that didn’t stop us from icing the greeting with “Happy Birthday Becky!” It was all a part of the silliness we invoked while my family visited, and part of the reason for my blogging break.

And of course, while it is still early in the “Year of the Camel,” two mischievous friends managed to incorporate very clever wine labels touting the camel as they presented their gifts to the gals. The wine description for one read, “Aged, Funky, and Juicy.”

The label?

General inanity all the way around.

There is not enough germ gel on the planet to counteract the circumstances involved in elementary education! God bless the teachers.

Yesterday was a rather quiet day. I had just returned from sanitizing my hands so as to eat my lunch in the calm of the library. A lovely young lady of approximately eight years of age decided to visit and make a purchase with her $2. Happy for the company, I helped her find an exquisite eraser, one I’m sure her parents will enjoy picking up from the floor after its non-use.

As she came to pay she took off her shoe and produced the bills, nice and sweaty. I de-rumpled them, smiled, and aired them out before placing them in the drawer later, knowing I would probably distribute them to another unsuspecting shopper as change.

Perhaps a cashless society could also save us money on germ gel costs alone?

Tonight dessert consisted of a piece of banana-split-flavored Double Bubble gum. The jaw-breaking experience reminded me of those awesome days of youth – when my father would exclaim, “Quit chewing your gum like a cow chewing cud.”

There was an art to that chewing though, and it gained me accolades at bubble-gum blowing contests. Not once, but twice, I won bragging rights as the bubble-gum champion at camp. My parents were proud, taking out a full-page ad in the local paper touting my success. Stock was purchased in Bazooka Joe gum, and scholarships were assured. I had signings at the local grocery store by the candy counter. My sister was thrilled and continued to add to the gum chain she was folding so intricately. (That part is true.)

Ah yes, – fond memories and a sore jaw to cap off a crazy day.

Have you watched “Zoey‘s Extraordinary Playlist,” on NBC Sunday evenings? Ha! I lived Miss Zoey today.

Zoey is a young woman (okay, I’m not living that part) who can hear and see people singing and dancing their thoughts and feelings – but no one else sees or hears them. Once she is privy to those inmost thoughts and feelings of co-workers, parents, friends – via music – the person returns to normal and no one else has experienced the singing and dancing.

I’m pretty sure I share Zoey’s frustration at having this amazing ability. Today Fr. David gave a homily addressing the temptations of Christ by Satan. One point he made was about “not giving up” when temptation strikes, not giving in. All I could hear as he was delivering the homily was Tom Petty singing, “I Won’t Back Down.” The entire 9 am choir was behind me as I accompanied at the piano. Lots of clapping and lyrics, “I will stand my ground, and I won’t back down.” I could see and hear the whole thing.

Perhaps the person who dreamed up the show was listening to a homily when the idea was conceived? It’s a fun show. I’m looking forward to the next episode – and homily!