It’s “Hey Rene J” Today!

Dreamland. That crazy little place where you revisit topics of the day, sort out deep-seated issues, rerun anxiety-ridden scenarios, and just plain force yourself to awaken from the all-too-realness.

Last night I was walking a million steps to achieve a beautiful view of a park – I get that part! An instructor popped up and informed the class we were to write a spontaneous poem on any topic the following day. (Not very spontaneous if you have a day to think about it?) Thus, I arrived for class, excited to expound on my topic of, “the park.” My instructor, a mean “Meryl Streepish” – “Devil Wears Prada” woman, informed me that I hadn’t listened at all to the instructions. We were to spontaneously promote a product in advertising form, not compose a poem. The class was agasp, as they knew she was lying. I told her, “Perhaps some of us hear differently.” Another gasp.

I got up on the cobblestone stage and proceeded to do a sales pitch in comedy routine form, eliciting profound laughter in my “sale of kale.” Picture a used-car salesman hawking the benefits of kale at the spa, in ice cubes, Pinterest projects – all very tongue-in-cheek jokes and slams appreciated by all, sans my instructor. She gave me a kale-fail.

The only reason I awoke was because my jokes were so darn clever, I thought it could be a great stand-up gig for me to try at the Comedy Works. It won’t be. I can’t remember any of them, and it’s 10 a.m. in Portugal. Time to bail on the kale.

Two took a Tuk Tuk!

Seeing the city lights at night is stunning. Lisbon knows how to celebrate Christmas! Every street has illumination criss-crossing it. Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous. Some of the lights are just twinkling strands hanging from all of the trees – but LOTS of them. Over-the-top impressive. Maybe I could do that? These jellyfish were too fun. You’re only seeing a teenie portion of the street.

Well, you shall arise and we shall be en route. Thank you to everyone who prayed for our safe travels, because they have been! Keep it up – we still have to negotiate customs, DIA, and our favorite Uber driver. Obrigada and Ciao!

Imagine our surprise when we returned from our last day of successfully navigating roads no wider than sidewalks, only to find ourselves “Locked out of Heaven.” The 4’x4’ elevator was inoperable. The little transport only goes to five floors, with one apartment on each floor.

We did find the stairs in the back alley, thanks to a woman who answered her buzzer and spoke English, and we proceeded to “break in” to our room that way. We couldn’t. We then bothered a third floor tenant from Vegas, a former Chicagoan as he noted, and he told us of his scheme for getting in when the elevator didn’t work. “Open the hatch in the ceiling and climb up on the fire rungs to your door.” Hm. We were about to flip a coin to see who got to climb, when the hotelier returned our call. He had an emergency number, just for us, for this one time! Voila!

We made it in after dark, and fearing the code might not work again, I remained home while my husband went foraging for our meal. We then relaxed in heavenly comfort, after a heavenly day in SIntra, and plotted our next adventure. Now that we know half of the building occupants, we may host a soirée this evening?

Last evening’s dinner took us to an “it looks warm in there” establishment. We didn’t have reservations, so we were seated in the rear – clearly warmer! – and next to this lovely decor. It did remind me that we needn’t try so hard to celebrate the holidays.

I ordered the grilled sardines…which came in “batches” of 20. ? I ate 19 because I made my esposa eat one to say he did. I like sardines. They’re tiny and salty and abundantly popular here. They have sardine stores much like candy stores in America. The tins are colorful and fun, tempting you to try them in their hundreds of styles.

Today we are heading out to enjoy the last of our rental car. It’s too expensive to park in Lisbon, so we’re better off returning our luxury vehicle and taking the Uber or local transport for a day. The men in the parking garage thought we were nuts for parking 24 hours. That tells you something!

Whew! After ensuring the castle and keep were cared for, we toured our other property, Monseratte in SIntra, en route to Lisbon. (Lisboa) This beautiful estate has an UNESCO classification, modeled after “the” Monserrat near Barcelona, and we found it quite unintentionally. It was obviously worth the change in plans, as you may concur.

Slightly exhausted, we were driving the way we do. Husband at the wheel, me with the gps but actually looking at the landscape. That’s when I saw it and we drove there, correcting our misguided attempts to see another Palace. Twists and turns galore.

“Winding our way” became the rest of the journey. Lisbon is a mess of one-way cobblestoned streets, shared with trolley cars and pedestrians. You miss a turn – you spend twenty minutes winding around to return to the correct turn. “To everything, turn, turn, turn….” The Birds must have spent some time here.

We’re hanging at a very sweet apartment, just lovely, with a “charming” squeak in front of the IKEA kitchen sink. It sounds like the chains of an old swing rubbing against the hooks in the wind whenever you step on the wood planks. Charm in a foreign country is different, isn’t it? These planks would have been ripped up and replaced at home, pronto!

As we await the dinner time, we are so fortunate to have American television with “Naked and Afraid” as a choice. Hopefully we’ll have another “Rambo” movie after dining. We’ve seen two already. Pretty good for someone who never saw a single one before this trip!

Well, it’s only proper to rename ourselves at this point.

We’re in a castle in Obidos, spending the night in modern medieval luxury. It only took an hour of driving around the walls to figure out how to get in here. Now I understand why these fortresses were hard to penetrate in ye olde days. We couldn’t do it with gps or directions in broken English! Smartly, we parked outside the walls at a set of steps and hiked in with our backpacks. Truly, it was the way to go, complimented by Alberto, our hotelier, who was lugging other people’s luggage up the stone staircases.

I did some driving today, noting the lack of traffic on the six-lane “interstate.” 30 kilometers and I only passed four cars, doing the 120 speed limit. No one passed me in our three lanes. It’s probably good I’m on the roads in a pandemic off-season!

It’s too dark to snap a photo of the incredible walls and castle. So I bid you, “Gentle night,” loyal subjects.

We arrived at Villa Auri amid howling winds and banging shutters. This is an 1812 winery which has been renovated, and the charm includes some “household chores.”

As we unpacked and began to unwind from the drive – note the twisty roads, hills, elevations – we also had to brave the gale-forces battering our windows atop this appellation. It was a two-person effort, with me outside pressing the shutters together while my husband wrangled the inside latches.

Our next chore was to attend the wine and olive oil tasting for which this region is known. It was tough duty, but we managed to meet new friends and exchange numbers. And because we did not want to navigate those same roads back to town in the dark of night for dinner at nine pm, we opted for the tapas on hand and had a relaxing evening in our modernized room. It was a lovely respite.

Had we been here two months ago, we actually could have stomped the grapes!

We are in the Douro Valley, the home of port wine. Tonight we reside at an eco-friendly winery, Quinta de la Rosa. My resident photographer captured this artistic image outside our room.

Our weather has been rather phenomenal, with our guide today even commenting on the sunshine. We were prepared for rain – which could still happen – not snow, which has happened in other parts of the country – and are grateful for this beautiful weather.

Headed out to dinner. Cross the octopus and cod off the list of national foods to appreciate, and we are good to go. I would order the kale soup again!

We did our little load of laundry Portuguese-style. The washing takes about three hours in the mini-tub, and the drying is ambient air temp. Oops. How to get it to dry overnight? Ah! Plug the portable heater in the bathroom and close the door. Voila!

While you may have been preparing or dining on turkey, we did laundry and left for dinner, where we enjoyed a Thanksgiving meal of a different kind. Grilled octopus, grilled cod, and kale soup.

Quite frankly, though the whole turkey/stuffing/yams/green bean casserole is not my favorite meal, I think I’ll stick with tradition next time and keep laundry out of the plans. Off we go to experience the wine region in this beautiful country.

The water is so beautiful in most places, and the Douro Riverfront is stunning in its old world charm. We played along the banks, touring a wine cave and studying the viticulture of port wine. It seemed an appropriate and fitting celebration of Thanksgiving.

We count our many blessings both of family and friends. We are equally grateful for the bus driver who let us do a second ride “for free,” because we stupidly got on for a twenty-foot ride. And, we shall toast to the 105-year old grandmother of our wine tour guide. She had a glass of port wine every morning, thus ensuring longevity.

Happy Thanksgiving from Porto.