It’s “Hey Rene J” Today!

Oh, the ads plugging my home state do give me a chuckle. If this shirt had been in my size, I’d certainly have purchased it, whether it’s true or not. Okay – we know it’s true.

Not the hairnet episode of yore, but an equally silly look I managed to acquire whilst running errands yet again.

First of all, when you renovate any part of your home you encounter “first world” problems you didn’t anticipate. Our fancy schmancy shower has a door-to-floor clearance of an inch. No fun fluffy shower mats or rugs. No plush memory foam mats. No beautifully woven mats. Thus, I am on attempt number four to find the solution.

Attempt number three was the cause of my public grief. I thought I had discovered the perfect rug. Simple, with an elegant line matching the “spa” theme of my dreams. Additionally, it appeared to be large enough to accommodate the wide swing of the shower door. The rapture and thrill of finding a necessary, yet boring household good swept over me. I carried that rug around proudly.

As I placed it at the cashier’s caring hands, I looked down upon my purple overalls – carefully chosen as they had another day of wear left in them. I was white with fuzz. The cashier was aghast. I was apparently dumbfounded as I purchased the rug anyway, assuming it would work and I could throw it on “air” in the dryer. However, I found myself having to borrow the lint roller from the employees and proceed to roll it around my body with all shoppers watching. It was pretty bad.

Thankfully, I’ve lived long enough to find very few moments embarrassing anymore. By the way, the rug is a nano-millionth of an inch too long. The door doesn’t like it. Thus, I’m on attempt number four.

This one struck me as I was perusing that lovely Nextdoor app. There’s always fodder there.

Someone advertised a “slay” bed – for free! It would certainly make the crime easy to track.

Well, I do not remember them wearing hairnets, but I’m sure they did. I wear one every time I serve lunch at the homeless shelter on either Thursday or Friday. Yesterday I got to pick a white hairnet! They were out of the brown ones that blend in to my traditional color.

I forgot to take it off and proceeded to stop at various outings on my way home from lunch duty. No one said a thing. As my Sis said, “They probably thought you were a lunch lady!”

And that is the nicest compliment I have had in quite a while. Channeling that inner patience and tolerance today!

Heading out on a bike ride reminded me of this venture, since I’m “re-cycling” today. It’s been a few years since that was my main mode of transportation, and I’m gearing up in my road-rash-resistant gear, just in case…

And of course, it also reminded me of the motto I gave my kids went we left on vacation without them. “Always recycle.” This was meant to imply that there had better not be a party and if there was one, no traces found.

Additionally, it called to mind a silly movie we watched last night that made no sense as far as what was stored in the attic. Suffice it to say, “recycling” has hit a nerve for the day, which coincides with the trash service. Maybe these thoughts were all meant to remind me to remind my husband to take out the garbage? Mission accomplished.

Luckily, there is a posse of said-friends in my world, but there is one funniest-ever-still-makes-me-chuckle moment from my teen years.

My sister and I were sitting next to each other at Mass. Mistake number one. Mistake number two, the altar server, who shall remain unnamed at this point, knelt over one of the floor vents at the most sacred part of the Mass. His cassock “blew up” like a blimp. It was cold and he must have enjoyed that warmth, because he didn’t move. Mistake number three – we were at the front of the church.

I still laugh at that image and the fact that we could not, through tears, stop laughing, nor ignore the evil eye from our parents. Good times.

We always place a napkin at each plate when dining – even if it’s just the two of us. It’s not always properly “placed,” as it could be flung across the top. Anyway, I do have an Aunt Phyllis, and I do have an Aunt Jane who is a nun. Thought this was a cute meme and it made me think of those two wonderful women who would get a kick out of this.

I shall try to do more diligent and careful work in my napkin folding. Perhaps I should employ my son? He knows how to fold after working for a caterer! Oh – then I guess I need to invite him for dinner more often?

Well, I didn’t see it, but my spouse did. The squirrel ran up the driveway to our “highway-of-pines-to-the-roof” and immediately turned and ran away! Those solar repellents work! I wish I could have seen it and felt some bit of vindication.

Instead, I saw my little silent hummingbird and shared in his appreciation of nature. A much sweeter trade-off for my rodent-eradication-persistence.

This person has the right idea! I’m sure my mother, daughter, and granddaughter would concur with me. It’s possible my siblings will continue to ignore me and my contributions to their welfare.

Had a great reunion yesterday with my pal, “Pacie.” Conversation drifted to many places, including food. P.F. Chang’s or East Dynasty? Pad Thai, fried dumplings, why do we order the same things? Or why do we order our favorite things at other restaurants when we already know we most like the way they are prepared at certain places? These heavy considerations floated through the realm yesterday, prompting me to post a missive sent by a relative of mine.

Apparently she and I have been spending a little more time together and she’s reading my mind. Food was the predominant thread-of-the-day.