It’s “Hey Rene J” Today!

Of course, you can’t enjoy lunch in the mountains, on the deck of your friend’s house, without the umbrella properly positioned. Furthermore, when your friend remembers that the umbrella needs bolstering – all MacGyver skills are called into play.

And just how many MacGyvers does it take to prepare the luncheon site? Three. One to climb the step stool and apply the chip clip, one to hold the person on the step stool so she doesn’t topple over the deck, and one to pass the bungee cord and begin a novena for the safety of the other two.

This was not our finest hour. However, it did work. Lunch was observed in proper fashion.

My inbox often contains tempting travel ads from Melia` Resorts. When I get this particular mailing, I’m reminded of the time I went to Greece with my sister and we signed up for their newsletter. (We were enjoying the rooftop amenities and were easily swayed to join.) I get a kick out of seeing the alluring travel packages, even if I can’t go. Today, I’m just traveling in my mind – and to the hills. This cuteness comes from “Pabs,” and aptly describes the year for all of us.

The neighbors installed an above-ground pool yesterday after replacing their deck. Across the street the dad erected a zip line for his kids, as well as a huge water slide. Other neighbors are incorporating a bar into their garage – a hang out for the ‘hood. Along the road to our house two homes were just painted in the past month and a beautiful corner garden planted. The lady with 1,000 gnomes added more fixtures to her landscaping. There is a lot happening with people being sequestered at home.

And you thought we were building a deck! It turns out we constructed an Athenian temple.

You have participated in the experiment of “Heyrenejtoday.com” for one entire year! This endeavor could not be possible without your cooperation. Actually, there were three weeks without internet in there, so we could say that you have three more weeks to tough it out.

When I first began, I wondered how I could possibly have enough inanity to consume an entire year’s worth of observations. I figured I wouldn’t be writing daily, just frequently. Who knew I had this much hot air?

My other experiment was to write a poem a day. I did miss a few, but mostly got it done. Now I seek another feature once my Haiku library is emptied. Glassware comes to mind.

Furthermore, I assumed I would be traveling and able to write about the world from that perspective. As you know, travels have been rather limited to my backyard, books, grocery and hardware stores, as well as my somewhat quirky imagination.

So, in light of the fact that I do have enough hot air available to me, I renewed my domain and will continue to move forward with the famous words of inspiration from the Lindsay Holy Family class of 1955: Onward ever, ceasing never.

In between finishing the deck surface yesterday, (insert the “Hallelujah Chorus”) and visiting a friend recovering from surgery, I managed to weed the yard and plant two perennial hopefuls up for the challenge of surviving my gardening skills. Then my son asked, “Can I help you do anything, Mom?” I responded.

Approximately four hours later we had the out-of-control Russian Sage uprooted, as well as some ugly grasses that just wouldn’t cooperate in my landscaping scheme. However, the sage presented my son with the opportunity to create smudge sticks. Did you know we could sell them for $6.95 each? I had enough to provide for a small country! They are advertised as “perfect for banishing negativity.” However, the online sticks have been positively charged under a full moon. We were off by a week.

I enjoyed reading the benefits of using a smudge stick in smudging. (aka cleansing the negativity from your space.). “Cleansing is a wonderful thing to do when moving into a new home, after an argument, after illness, if you suspect a haunting, or just to revitalize your space. Also makes a great housewarming gift.”

I’m thinking I should replant the stuff and realize a profit.

Apparently 1/8 of an inch is something I will sweat. My willing husband ripped out boards already placed just to make the proper width in a board that was irking me to no end. I shall not delve into the additional hassle caused by my annoyingly keen eye. Actually, it was bugging my man, too. We just both hoped for the past week that it would magically correct itself.

We only had three boards left in finishing the deck surface yesterday. As of last night, we still had one.

It was a long day, and I instigated it. Knowing that today starts with that last board, I wonder how long I can make this day go?

Just a few things to remember when you are taking up a painting project:

• You have painting clothes for a reason and do not need any more. Change into your old duds and preserve your only decent pair of shorts.
• You usually do not get more nimble and adept with age. Use your ladder with care. Shoes are recommended.
• Wear a shower cap. Even if you aren’t painting over your head, you will get paint in your hair.
• Should you put a tarp on your good carpet, or just wing it? Self-explanatory.
• A steel wool pad will be the only means of removing KILZ primer.
• You will look super-cool in public with paint remnants on your legs.

And finally:

• Under no circumstances should you say or think, “This won’t take long.”

Well, the only detention I received in high school was for chewing gum in Mr. Stolzenburg’s class. Heck…I chewed gum every day and reveled in my ability to fool my instructors. But I got caught!

My biology instructor recently passed away, and I gIve him credit for my only demerit. I’m pretty sure there is a special place for teachers who foiled their students while letting them retain their dignity.

Kingdom, Phylum, Class, Order, Family, Genus, Species.

Well, rumors have flown through the ‘hood ever since we moved here 24 years ago. There is a fox living in the ditch! I had never seen him – until I went walking with my hoodwink friend, Parsha. He ran right out in front of us from the ditch. However, he was red, not brown as in typing class lore. This was three days ago. Then early Monday morning, around 1 a.m. – my friend and I both awoke to this weird scream coming from outside – somewhere between our homes. It sounded just like this:

Maybe that squirrel repellent attracts other animals?

Watching, “This Week in Agri-Business,” yesterday, I learned something which made me chuckle. I am not old, I am “vintage.”

First of all, this is a fascinating show in the early morning hours, as well as educational. I couldn’t help feeling at home listening to farmers speak about crops, the FFA conventions, the adaptations being made with this pandemic. And then the little blurb about tractor restoration showed up.

A Minnesotan drove to Florida to obtain a vintage tractor to restore and enter in competition at the national FFA convention. He won! His tractor, forgive me – I was trying to tame my tresses and didn’t get the make and model – was a “vintage” 1977 machine. Apparently it was a stunner, returned to better than former glory. I learned I could tune in this fall for opportunities to buy vintage machinery, and if I had any, to please call in to get on the docket.

This machinery could use a little restoration. I’m thinking of putting myself on the docket.